I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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