Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
