We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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