we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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