your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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