This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
