I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
