This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
