my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
