i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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