he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
