i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
