my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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