Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
