My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
They have beer where we have blood.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
