You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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