His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
