I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
