There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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