I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
bring money and cleavage
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
