I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
