I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
