so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
