Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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