I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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