so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
