Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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