so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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