hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So much rum. So many feels.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
