so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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