There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
