I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
