Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
