my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
