so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
