I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
