Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
