I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
