why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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