I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
