i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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