It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
