honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
