I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
