Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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