I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
whose parrot is this?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
