sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
