Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
