I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
