i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
