Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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